Grief

🖤

Grief

It’s the price you pay 

for having loved someone 

deeply.

It’s the wound 

that never fully heals

that you carry with you

to your grave.

🖤

Although they say time heals all wounds

this isn’t true 

with the grief of losing someone.

Grief is the never ending wound

the replayed memories and remembrances 

that are now painful reminders

of the loss of the person that you cherished. 

🖤

It can come upon you out of the blue

like a wave of the ocean

a sudden swell in the sea

and with it all the heartache

you thought you had worked through

suddenly brought once again to the surface

it knocks you over and wipes you out 

🖤

Drowning you in the emotions

taking you back to the day of their passing

your lungs feel like they are full of water

your mouth full of sand

no words can come out

but your eyes pour forth, 

‘til your face is red and raw

from the sting and salt of your tears.

🖤

And although with the passage of time

those waves lessen

and you learn how to better navigate them

the agony is still there.

🖤

Grief does not discriminate

the only requirement is loss

it does not spare anyone

it is a pain shared by many

teaching you to cherish

the time you have left with family and friends.

🖤

And yet people often remind the grieved 

that they should be glad

for their loved one is “in a better place”

but this knowledge provides little relief or comfort

when you still wish

they were with you

or you were there with them.

When you desperately long for 

one more moment with them

just to hear

their loving voice again

to feel their warm embrace

yet you know you will not in this life.

🖤

You are pierced with the knowledge 

that you must continue to live

it is what they would have wanted you to do

in spite of the inward aching

that makes you feel dead and numb inside.

🖤

You learn that sometimes it is easier to wear 

the mask of a smile 

and to act like everything is fine

even when nothing is fine

or people will preach at you to move on

or pretend they understand

even though they don’t feel the deadness

that you feel on the inside.

🖤

Grief teaches you who has suffered 

and who hasn’t.

Those who have truly suffered too, say little

for they know no words can ease your pain

they simply hold space for you

listening to what you manage to get out

and hugging you close

feeling your chest heave with the deep sobs

that you had been holding in.

🖤

But without grief

there is no life,

there is no love,

and there is no heart.

And what kind of life is that 

if we go through life with no emotion

and no attachments

and no real connections.

🖤

So although grief is the price you pay

for having loved deeply

and unconditionally

it is a reminder

that we have lived

and we have loved

and it is much better

to have loved and experienced loss

and all the grief and sorrow that goes with it

than to have never loved at all. 🖤

🖤🖤🖤

Note: I started writing this poem in December 2018 in memory of my Grandma & Grandpa Larson, around the 2nd and 4th anniversary of their deaths.